Mean people suck

Of course, I got the early morning duty the week after Thanksgiving break.  I have a tough time getting to work by the first bell anyways, but this one is killer.  It's only 10 minutes earlier, but with a one year old and a stop at daycare and my sweet little stint of insomnia that just hit.... I am dying!

I've skirted in a couple minutes past almost everyday this week and yesterday I was almost 7 minutes over my duty time.  Not good.  I was still one of the first teachers to take the kids outside though.  Today I walked into the cafeteria, 4 minutes late.

I have only worked at my school since August.  I don't know most of the staff by name, but I am friendly with everyone.  People probably think I'm a little goofy or aloof, but I just am caught up in my head most of the day and too busy trying to raise a toddler by myself to reach out to anyone just yet to make friends.

Mrs. Cookie is a para that I mostly see in the cafeteria.  She is stern and rarely smiles.  Until this afternoon, I thought her name was Mrs. Crookie.  Apparently, Mrs. Cookie is also extremely serious about morning duty and keeping all of us teachers in line.  When I walked into the cafeteria this morning (slightly out of breath from running across the field so I could get there faster) she greeted me with, "Ms. Milky! These kids are waiting for their recess!  Come on... that is sad."  She gave me a look of disdain.

I was taken aback.  Really?  Bitch?  Did you just talk to me like that?  I think you've said like two things to me.  Ever.

I smiled and said absolutely nothing.  I just walked the kids outside.  Something went off inside of me, though.  Once all of the kids were on the blacktop playing, her words kind of hit me.  It was sad.  I wish I had been there on time.  Paperwork and promptness.  My two greatest crosses in life.  (Okay, maybe not crosses, but papercuts?)  I know this, though.  I just don't like it when other people have to magnify them to me in such an ugly way.

I found myself crying.  Not the kind where you are crying like a baby.  Just where tears are falling and you have to wipe them off so that people won't see.  I couldn't stop.  I felt insanely sorry for myself.  Suddenly, I missed my friends from Bowie.  I wanted to walk into one of their rooms and go bitch about that bitch.  I don't have one of those people at my new school.  It's just not that kind of place.  Matt says that work is for work, but school has always been where I've made my closest friendships.  I felt awash in loneliness.

I did go and talk about it with my two friends in redirect down the hall.  I felt a little better, but it's they kind of thing where I can sit on top of the desk and we can all just laugh about it for or go drive around at lunch for a smoke.  One, I don't smoke anymore.  Two, I don't get to work early enough to sit around for ten minutes.  Three, I don't know them like that.  More tears.

It stayed with me for most of the day, but after I talked with Matt on my way to a training I felt a little better.  Another chat with my sister shored me up by the evening.  Still, I wonder about people who just have a mean attitude.  I know I can't go around feeling beat up about it and that I'm probably just "sensitive" today for other reasons.

You suck mean people.  Even if I am in the wrong, you suck for being mean about it.