Dressing the Part...

Tomorrow is Halloween.  One of the greatest day's of the school year.  It is also a day that has been fucked up by religious zealots that don't know how to have a good time.  Oh my gosh, did I just say that? I hope I didn't offend anyone.  Seriously, I hope I didn't, because if there are any religious zealots reading my blog I'm fucked.  Well, they're probably already offended by my excessive use of the word fuck and me being a teacher and all so I'm probably good.

We aren't allowed to freaking say the word "God," but we're expected to instill moral character.  And the zealots think that the first thing the teachers are gonna do on Halloween is dress their kid up like devils and sign them all up for our coven, since we're all practicing Wicca on the side.

I just wanna play dress up and eat candy for no good a reason.  I just want the kids to have fun at school.  I like it when they want to be here.  It makes it better for all of us.  The kids learn more when their play is full and rich and deeply rooted in imagination.   And that is what Halloween is all about, not Satanic ritual.  Well, it's about creative play and large scale commercialization of a national holiday.  Come on people!  Get behind the freakin' economy... buy a costume, eat some candy, and get this recession moving!

Anyhow, principals have found a whole route around the zealots.  They are a pretty imaginative lot themselves.  They call it "The Great Day of Reading" or something similar.  The teachers are allowed to dress up as "storybook characters" and then they read the story that their character is related to to their class.  Some schools make the whole day into a day of reading and have all of the teachers rotate around to different classes and some schools keep it more low key.

My current school is of the low key variety.  No scary costumes allowed for teachers and the kids can only wear cheerful style Halloween shirts with jeans.  I've decided that I am going to be Viola Swamp, the meanest substitute in the whole world!  She is the antagonist in "Miss Nelson is Missing."  I can't wait!!!

It calls to mind a few years ago at Bowie, when Mrs. Trout had a mandatory costume day for all of the teachers.  It was on Halloween.  She sent out an email that said that you had to come to school in costume.  One of the teachers was a religious zealot named Mr. Crouton.  Mr. Crouton had been a 5th grade teacher with me the year before and was new to the profession.  He had a lot of enthusiasm, but he was terrible.  The kids got him down and he kind of gave up.

Not that I blame him.  He was used to a lot of success in his previous occupation and Mrs. Trout was not one for slow learners.  She gave him a lot of credit the prior year that he didn't deserve and it came back to bite him in the ass, when there were more eyes on him and mounting pressure to deliver results that he couldn't possibly produce.  So when he explained to Mrs. Trout that he didn't dress up for Halloween for religious reasons and she retorted that he better get a costume or get a new job in front of other staff members, Mr. Crouton was primed to call the teacher's Union.

And that is just what he did.  He spent the better part of the Great Day of Reading in a Great Day of Covering His Ass.  My hat is off to him, because that Mrs. Trout would have handed his ass to him on a platter if she could have and instead he served her up a shit sandwich.  Mr. Crouton had his duties slowly taken from him piece by piece.  Throughout the year, specialist came to his class to take over and teach his class.  He got paid to virtually do nothing.  Eventually, he got another job in another district for the next year.  I don't know how he faired over there.

Mrs. Trout has the Great Day of Reading a few days before Halloween now.  It avoids a bunch of pitfalls.  I guess, Halloween is a scary day at school after all.

Fifth Grade Flashback!

Let's talk about 5th grade!  Not my favorite year of teaching.  I never got to give it another go around, but I'm okay with that.  If I could sum it up in one word, it would be clusterfuck.  That's what makes the 5th grade flashback so much fun!  I can visit it in my mind, but I don't have to live it.

Like the day Elisa snipped off a chunk of my hair in the back and called me a bitch for writing her up.  Then she refused to leave the school and the Assistant Principal had to call the cops to remove her from campus, since we couldn't physically remove her ourselves and her mom was unreachable.  Nevermind that she committed a crime when she cut my hair off.  It's called assault.

The principal assigned her to a day of in-school suspension.  That's typically what students got for coming out of uniform.  This is one of the many reasons why I couldn't stand my administrator from that school.  No consequences of consequence.  I'm all for compassion, but I want the consequences.    

I walked Elisa out of the building myself that day.  I hugged her at the curb and let her cry.  I don't remember if she said she was sorry.  It was a rocky road for me and Elisa from there on out.  I felt sorry for her and I did my best to hold her responsible.  At the end of the school year, she told me that I was the third best teacher that she ever had.  Not too shabby.  Considering.