And in the Course of Writing This.... I Had an Epiphany.......Or Two.........A Blog Formerly Titled "Their Way... Or the Highway"

The thing that sucks about being a teacher is that you are just that...

just the teacher.

Sometimes it's just not up to you.  Plus, you have to do everything their way.  The administration's way.  And even when you like your administration, you forget what the heck their way is.  This is a double edged sword, because the odds are is that your admin is doing it someone else's way, too.  They have to follow some set of rules out there that is set by a person or group of people that they may or may not agree with and that is a whole other slew of problems.  And you may or may not know about any of that.

This is my current problem.  That and all of the cosmic stars are aligning, so that I look like a real jackass.

The truth is that I have made excellent notes about the Tawanda situation, but my paper trail with actual behavior referrals sucks.  I should have done a way better job and I focused far to much on my relationships with my administration and behavior specialists to handle things.  I've done a terrible job with documenting her on an hourly basis.  (Jeezzz.... I'm a teacher, not a psych warden, ya know?)

It's just so dang overwhelming with all of the other crap.  I'm super pissed at myself for not keeping up on these referrals.  I'm kicking myself over it.  It's way different in this district than it was in my last district, so I have avoided it.  Not because I didn't understand it, but because I didn't really remember to go to it as an option.  I used to write referrals all the time back at Bowie, but the process is just different here and even though I think it's a better process, it's not one that I ever really got effective at using.  Honestly,  I ought to use the referral process for my other kids, too.

When Tawanda was better on the medication, there wasn't much to do and I took it for granted.  I shouldn't have.  When she kicks it into gear, the kid kicks it into gear.  Then I tossed out the idea of "right of refusal", back tracked on it, and thought I was going to get a couple of days of her in behavior intervention for her, eh, crimes.

Instead, she just got put back in my class with a stern warning and I've been given a lot of instructions about documentation.  If she goes back onto meds, it shouldn't be a huge deal.  She is supposed to go back on them on Tuesday morning.  In my heart, I have a gut feeling that if she shows up without them that she's gonna get pulled and that is why admin put her in my class again.

Wow.

That actually just hit me.

Part of me thought it was because I was unexpectedly absent yesterday, since my daughter was sick and I was in my observation window and that seems like a jackass move on my part to be out during my window.  (Note: I couldn't help it.  Nobody could help me and she still needed another day away from daycare.)  I guess that is just lingering feelings of paranoia from being at Bowie, where Mrs. Trout just always thought the worst of everyone and Mr. Daniels would try to burn you like you were an ant and he was a magnifying glass, if he thought you were trying to wiggle out of something.

My admin now isn't like that.

Seriously, I over-think things sometimes.  You know what they say, your biggest strength is always your greatest weakness.  Sometimes, I need to go the simple route.  Nice people do nice things.  People that have integrity do the right thing when nobody is looking, so just trust that its the right thing even if you don't like it.

Hmmmmm.  Back to my epiphany.

I think there is a sizable chance that Friday could be the last day for Tawanda to be in my class.  I don't want to baby her.  I've thought that before and I did baby her that day.... a little.  I don't think it was good for the other kids and perhaps it hurt her somehow.  But if I can figure some things out to help her have a great day, then it would be worth the energy.

Just in case.

I know that I complain a lot about my job on this blog.  But I love the kids in my class.  I love inspiring them to learn and dream about their future and instilling a little bit of hope in their hearts.  I lose a grip on what matters from time to time.  I have to catch my own heart and put it on a positivity de-fib.

I make choices between what is right for someone else's child and my own and sometimes I feel guilty that I put my kid second.  I have to constantly work harder, smarter, faster, and better, so that I can make that choice less and less.  I want to serve this community without shorting my own family.

It's tough, but I think I'm getting closer to being able to do it.  I think that is why I write this blog.  For those days when I do forget, so I can find a little morsel about teaching that reminds why I do it.

Just in case.

Fuck my life...

I love my job.  I love my job. I love my job.

Fuck my life.

If I didn't love my job, then fuck my life.

It's a good thing that I love my job and give a fuck about what the hell I do, because otherwise I would just say fuck this shit.

Instead, I'll just go with fuck my life.

My mother read my blog today, while we were in the doctor's office and she just said...

Michelle, you seem a little bit frustrated with your job.

Ain't that the truth?

I got an end of day message from my principal that I was going into my observation window..... TOMORROW!!!

WTF???  Panic mode!

1. Tawanda is a mess.  She is spitting on other kids and out of control.  I can't take my eyes off of her for a second and I think that I am about to lose my mind.

2.  My other kids are a mess.  Tawanda is spitting on the them... seriously?  Can you blame them?

3.  I'm a mess.  I'm disorganized and confused.  One kid has me in a freaking tizzy.  I'm throwing interventions at her left and right, but nothing is working.  I'm staying after school to write soliloquies to her therapist, but to no avail.

I know that I'm doing a good job, but I sure as hell don't want my observation right now.  I've got to act and act fast.  I talk with the structured learning teacher, who is a badass.  She runs down the lists of interventions.  Did you try...

defining the space?
recess detention?
lunch detention?
positive reinforcement?
theft deterrent structures?
positive thinking reinforcements?
cleaning up the mess?
writing an apology letter?
saying sorry?
counseling referral?
behavior documentation?
parent communication?

YEEESSSSSS!!!!!

I rattle off a bunch of other stuff that we do in the classroom.  And then she says those magic words that hadn't occurred to me yet....

You know that you have the right of refusal....

Huh?  Yeah.... but won't that make admin mad at me.

No... in fact, if you just make the case that your kids aren't able to learn, which, obviously, they aren't, and you can show that you have taken the steps to provide appropriate interventions, then you have the right to refuse any student that is preventing instruction and learning from occurring in your classroom.

SWEEEEEEEEETTTTT!!!!!

So, I have to call my mom to get her to take my daughter to the doctor for me so that I can exercise my right of refusal before tomorrow by meeting with someone on admin.   Which brings me to the point where I am saying to my mother how frustrated I am once I finally do make it to the doctor's office.

Because even after I get the sweet respite that I won't have Tawanda in my class tomorrow, I still find out that my kid is sick and running a fever and have to plan with my folks how to stay home with her and wake up early tomorrow so I can go in early and get things ready just in case I get observed, so I won't be panicky.

Keep your fingers crossed for me.  And Tawanda... she's gonna need it.  She's going to be in the structured classroom for a while it seems.

Karma is a...

Total mother fuckin' bitch, especially if your name rhymes with ditch!

Shout out to my former AP at Bowie Elementary, Mr. Daniels, who is being sued by not one, but TWO, current staff members!!

Wow!  That's an accomplishment!

As I have noted in the past, none of the names on the blog are real.  Not even the names of the school are real, but I didn't stumble upon "Mr. Daniels" by accident.

Think for a moment.  (Also known as wait time in teacher land.)

You got it!

My old AP had a thing for Jack Daniels, so the psuedonym just seemed like a natural fit.

I'm not one to hoorah the misfortunes of others. I never enjoy watching other people suffer. If I am flawed when it comes to people it's because I do conjure up wild theories about their motives and reasonings. 

Once I actually thought that a co-worker might have hung a homeless man in his hotel room to masquerade his homosexual tendancies. I let go of my theory even though my gut still tells me that there was more to it than a story of well intentioned charity gone awry. 

Back to other people's misfortunes though. I do have a healthy respect for natural and logical consequences.  In my heart of hearts, I don't believe that I am mean spirited.  So, you will just have to trust me, when I say that this guy, Mr. Daniels, is getting a taste of what he is due. 

I could care less if he is a drunk, as long as he is a drunk at home and not driving.  To my knowledge, he didn't drink around the kids, so this is not where my prejudice lies.  Mr. Daniels is a dishonest person that intentionally tries to hurt people that he doesn't like for his own amusement. 

Finally, someone is holding him accountable for his actions.  It is so awesome.  Crooked administrators being held accountable by their very own teachers?  Imagine that? 

This begs a new question... is karma a bitch or, in this case, is it just plain bitchin'? ; )

Arson...It's Not Just for Grown-ups Anymore

A few years back, I worked at Bowie Elementary (also an alias) in a Houston-area ISD. Bowie was whack. This was primarily because the administration at Bowie hated dealing with the deranged behavior of the students, so instead of the students realizing that they were at school where there were high expectations for behavior and learning they thought that they were in a precursor to prison day camp. All of us teachers were really doubling as prison guards and reading, writing, math, and science were a cute little sideshow until they felt like wrecking some havoc.

I made some great friends, while I worked at Bowie. In fact, it was a great friend that got me the job there in the first place. We still keep in touch and I get to hear about the effed up shit that still goes on there. Not that I am happy about it. It breaks my heart to hear about how these excellent teachers get put through the ringer every fucking day, because the principal doesn't have the guts to lay down the law. You can have your class on lock down, but when your kids act like these kids act and nobody gets your back, you are FUCKED! And that's a fact. Here's an example of what I'm talking about... My best friend calls me yesterday.

I had the best day today.

Really. Why?

Brendan, tried to burn down the school.

What?

Yeah. You heard me. Brendan. Tried. To. Burn. Down. The. School.

So.... what did they do? (I'm referring to the admin, because this is what matters in this situation. I'm always curious how Mrs. Trout handles the behavior issues at Bowie.)

Oh, they let him sit in the office for an hour, cause they had to read "Green Eggs and Ham" for a Great Day of Reading first. Then he was sent to Exile (teacher talk for the extended suspension campus) He's gone!

They let him sit for an hour? He tried to burn down the school. And they didn't attend to him for an hour?

Yeah. I know, 'cause they couldn't read any other time of day.

This is what pisses me off. A child brought a lighter to school and held it to the bathroom wall in front of even younger students. He scared them so badly that they started to cry and reported him to their teachers. He said, "I'm gonna burn the school down and I'm gonna kill Mrs. Wall."

To a kid, an hour seems like forever. And sitting in the office is a consequence of no consequence. And as all that time ticks by, he is thinking that everything is probably okay for him or he's plotting how he's going to try to burn the school down even better next time. As an administrator, you should know that if you don't handle issues like potential arson IMMEDIATELY then you are sending the message that it was NO BIG DEAL!

Even if the kid is sent to Exile, you didn't do a good enough job of sending the message that attempting to burn down the school is a a REALLY BAD CHOICE WITH MAJOR CONSEQUENCES! That when you try to burn down the school, it puts people in so much danger that even the principal stops the very important thing that she is doing to deal with you. This is why Bowie Elementary School and other schools like it suck. A principal without principles leads everyone astray.